Business As Usual is a vibe. Unfortunately it's a messy, underperforming one.
Feed BAU the gory details of how you run growth, and we'll drag every sloppy habit into the light. You get sarcasm, a scorecard, and an action plan that actually hurts—in a good way.
Diagnosis: Business As Usual
Overall performance
52 / 100
Top excuse: “Referrals will save us.”
Top reality: “You’re invisible everywhere else.”
Website
58
Looks like 2018. Leads bounce before the hero finishes loading.
Ads & Traffic
47
Spray-and-pray budget with zero creative testing discipline.
Retention
39
Customers churn quietly while the team celebrates vanity metrics.
Tip: log in with your email above to save every roast in your dashboard for future cringe.
Sound familiar?
The “Business As Usual” starter pack
If any of these read like your marketing meeting notes, it's time to let BAU roast you alive.
Spoiler: if your campaign plans still smell like 2019 optimism and your KPIs haven't budged since the interns left, you're overdue for a neon-yellow wake-up call.
- ✳Your marketing “strategy” is just last year’s playbook in a fresh PowerPoint skin.
- ✳Sales only pings marketing when the pipeline dashboard turns red.
- ✳Website still thinks pop-ups are the height of conversion science.
- ✳You’re positive referrals will magically scale… eventually.
Tell us about your “business as usual”
Hit “Get Roasted” to see your breakdown here. You'll get a scorecard, roast, and action plan that reads like tough love from a jaded CMO.
Pro tip: the more detail you give, the less BAU has to improvise insults.
Why BAU hurts so good
Snarky, structured, and strangely motivating
Brutal honesty
BAU doesn’t coddle. Expect sharp, specific critiques that expose the sludge you’ve been calling momentum.
Actionable fix list
Scorecards, timelines, and priority-ranked moves so you can stop guessing and start unfrying your funnel.
Upgrade path
Loved the roast? Book the deep roast and we’ll rip apart every KPI you’re hiding behind.